Autobots 101
by Lexon135
Summary: Movieverse: The Autobots can survive anything right? What about College. In a constantly changing world the Autobots must learn to survive Dating, Anime Conventions gone wrong, and even forming a band to win the school election! Some pairings! R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Autobots 101

Authors Note: as some of you know I am also the author of the aftermath which is currently on hold. Just to clear some things up before the story, I am not a Mary Sue who inserts herself to be the object of a transformer. I am a guy (of the male species) and have no interest other than making people laugh, cry, and enjoy a slightly warped image of the Transformers. Don't get me wrong, I love reviews and if you think I am doing something wrong or would like to criticize me I have no problem accepting that. I am simply stating that I am not a girl (yes sadly that was a belief I received in an e-mail) interested in self inserting myself as Optimus, Ratchet, IronHide, Bumble Bee or any other transformers Girl Friend. (Though as they tend to be stud muffins they might aquire such femal companionship although they bear no resemblance to me in real life)

The Autobots lined up in the Medical Bay as Optimus and Ratchet made their inspection. Optimus wasn't too particularly picky on the condition of his men as their current bodies were not to be presented to the UNO (university of North Oklahoma [fictitious ) staff. "well I can see that now we are only waiting for Sam to arrive so at ease men". Optimus quickly noticed Iron Hide's optics displaying the log in screen for World Of Warcraft. "and no WoW Iron Hide as you cannot log off at any given time"

Iron Hide groaned and shut down the program. Ratchet copied this action simply glad that Optimus had not noticed him. After about ten minutes a panting Sam ran in through the rather large sliding doors.

"you are late" said Optimus in his displeased tone which to be truthful didn't carry much bark.

"I know, I'm sorry"

Optimus deciding to use one of the new psychology techniques he had learned about for today carefully worded his next statement "Well I _suppose _we will simply have to expedite the rest of the process then in order to make it to college in time. Ratchet begin the briefing on project 013562"

Sam muttered "yes mom" under his breath and although Optimus' sensors picked it up he decided that it would probably be best to simply ignore the childish comment. It was a sign of an immature mind yet another subject he had reviewed in his 3 seconds of studying. He began to feel almost giddy about going to school though he disguised his excitement.

"Project 013562 is a rather simple project containing dual quantam reactors…. Thus allowing a subsequent fusion…. Duplicating that of a homo sapien. Any questions?"

Sam did not pick up a word of what Ratchet had just said but he was used to it and used his most advanced mechanism, the smile and nod.

"So who is first?" asked Ratchet

"ME!" yelled Optimus. After realizing he had not quite contained that outburst as much as he wanted to he began to explain "It just would ease my mind knowing that there are no glitches in the software or the hardware"

"suuuure" teased Bumblebee. It was public knowledge among the Autobots and Sam that Optimus had really been looking forward to this, the alleged greatest experience in a human's lifetime. After the few giggles had settled down among the Autobots Ratchet proceeded to start the procedure. Suddenly a large machine surrounded optimus clamping down on his arms and legs. Next his chest was opened revealing his spark. It was yanked out by some machinery and Optimus' body went limp in the metal clamps. Jazz looked a little unnerved, sparks were a touchy subject around the once lump of cold metal robot. The spark was then taken still pulsating and transferred into a small humanoid metallic frame roughly 6 feet tall. It reminded Sam of a mini mech warrior. With a jolt it was rammed into the chest of the robot and the frame sprung instantly to life. It began to move its hands and legs in amazement.

"Please don't move until it is over Optimus" chided Ratchet. Optimus made no further gestures and by doing so he complied with Ratchet's order. Next skin began to grow onto the metal with clothes seeming to fold out from the liquid skin. Next came the hair which grew to a rather long length. Finally it was done and the clamps released the new body. Optimus picked up where he had left off amazed by his new body. Testing out some of the features his arm seemed to fold out and turn into a cannon.

"Nice" said Ironhide "how much punch does that pack"

Ratchet sighed "It is an emergency use only mechanism and by using it you shorten your time you can maintain your form. You only have 6 hours as it is without siphoning electricity out of some kind of power source.

Ironhide sighed "didn't even answer my question…"

The process was repeated again and again all reading success. Ratchet was pleased with his new machine and was a little sad that he wouldn't get to use it himself. Somebody had to stay at the base though. Ironhide at last stepped up to the machine and the process began smoothly however…

Halfway through the process something strange happened. The machine began declaring "Error! Error!" in a loud and obnoxious voice.

"Slag it! Of course you would screw it up Ironhide!" said a not too pleased Ratchet.

"Love you too Ratchet" said Ironhide displaying a lack of fear that he only wished didn't exist inside of him. Finally after a few moments the voice cut out and the process continued as if nothing had happened. After it was finished Ratchet walked over to the now human sized Ironhide and picked him up.

"Put me down!" commanded Ironhide but Ratchet only laughed.

"Relax, I just need to run a few tests to make sure you are OK"

"I'm OK it's your damn machine that needs to be checked not me. With that he jumped out of Ratchets arms causing a small dent in the floor upon impact.

Ratchet gave up using any of his Authority and turned to Prime. "Will you please smack him until his logic circuits reboot?"

"Ironhide listen to Ratchet" said Optimus off handedly. He was busy cutting his hair. His choice of clothes upon exchanging bodies was a business suit. It would have looked so dorky if it hadn't been that the body the clothes were on looked like it belonged to a weight trainer. They all looked that way except Ironhide. It looked that if Ironhide flexed he might rip his shirt but that was his choice. Jazz had selected a very semi formal looking pinstripe shirt and jeans to go with his mulatto skin while Bumble Bee looked like a bad ass. He was decked out in leather and chains.

"Whoah I never saw that side of you" said Sam "where's the whip"

Bumble Bee smiled "I never thought you were like that" both laughed before an idea came to Bumble Bee's mind. "Hey Sam, teach me how to pound it"

"what?"

"you know pound it" said Bumble Bee making some strange gesture with his hand. Laughing, Sam taught him how it was done. Once all the scrap hair from the floor was cleaned up from the new Autobot haircuts Optimus was ready to begin the second part of briefing.

"As you all know it is our mission to document the days at the university for future reference and to protect Sam"

"Ok, I'll make sure his books don't attack him" joked Bumble Bee.

"I'm quite serious, you never know what kind of trouble could occur at a college" stated Optimus boldly.

Perhaps they would have heeded Optimus' warning had they known what college had in store for them.


	2. Chapter 2

Autobots 101 Chapter 2

Authors Note: As I have inspiration so I shall write.

The ambulance parked in front of the school as the team "rolled out". Ironhide began to get out of the car when the door shut on him.

"What's your problem Ratchet?" asked Ironhide making no attempt to mask his annoyance.

" I need to check you for errors, there was an apparent malfunction in your drone and it is unwise to allow you to continue to school in which several scenarios will be presented in which several possible things could go wrong"

Bumble Bee smiled and teased Ironhide "Ratchet may be a little long winded but he does know best"

Ironhide frowned and foced the door open. Since Ratchet wasn't expecting such an action he had not previously locked his doors.

"No time to talk Ratchet, if people see me talking to a car they will believe something strange is going on" said Ironhide smugly.

Both Optimus and Jazz's faces gave looks of scorn upon the mutineer. Optimus was about to order Ironhide to return to base when a very annoyed Ratchet sped off. "You shouldn't treat Ratchet like that Ironhide. You know he doesn't like it when you ignore all his safety rules" chided Jazz.

Ironhide sighed and folded his arms. " I've taken on a decepticon onslaught, I think I can handle a few "POSSIBLE" bugs in my system for a day. Besides, the first day of school is the most important isn't it Sam?"

All eyes turned to Sam. "perhaps you haven't noticed but it is a little uncommon to stare in human customs". They all immediately diverted their eyes.

"Is this true" asked Optimus trying hard not to look at Sam. Sam laughed at their efforts and replied "I guess so…"

"See!"

After a long winded mission briefing/ morale booster from Optimus the group went to get their class schedules. Being robots from outer space it was easy to coincide most of their classes but being different majors did separate some of them from the group at certain times of the day. Receiving their schedules was easy enough and Sam only gave it a passing glance. Someone else, however, was very interested in it and upon glancing over Sam's shoulder instantly memorized it.

"Hello class, I am Ms. Weaver and I will be teaching your Advanced Algebra and Trigonometry class for this semester. I would like to welcome you all to this class. I warn you now in advance that this class will not be easy and for starters I would like you to copy the problem on the board into your notebooks. Raise your hand when you know the answer."

These were the worst words to say in a room full of Autobots. Every hand near Sam went up as soon as she finished her sentence"

"no guys, you're supposed to take some time to finish the problem" warned Sam but it was too late.

"I do not issue group passes to the restroom if that is what you boys are thinking" stated the teacher blandly before muttering something under her breath.

"That's not it Ms. Weaver" stated Optimus "I know the answer"

Ms. Weaver had seen a lot of students and from her experience in teaching no student had ever gotten the problem right first semester. She wouldn't even teach how to solve a similar question until the end of second semester. To be simple this was only a problem meant to intimidate and motivate the student to work and there was no possible way for a student to get it right. Still… just to crush this new class clown she would humor the student and then pounce. "what is the answer then?"

"The answer is 0-.2-3-4-5-4-2-2" stated Optimus almost like a machine. Sam was worried, although he was definite that there would be no way to label Optimus and the Autobots as robots they would be labeled as weirdos.

Some of the students laughed at Optimus' response and Ms. Weaver knew she was failing. The student probably just got the answer from someone last year, after all it was the same problem.

"Alright then mr?"

"My name is Harrison Vernon"

"Alright Mr. Vernon, perhaps you could solve this?"

She quickly replaced the problem with a problem on the final. Reading Sam's lip movements Optimus delayed his response but not as much as Sam would have liked. After copying down the problem he waited 3 seconds before responding.

"The answer is 124.57" said Optimus in a more human voice. At least he had that going for him now, thought Sam.

From the back of the class a figure was very easily amused. "I don't have to guess which one you are Prime…" said the figure to itself.

Ms. Weaver was amazed. This child was a prodigy. She would speak to him after class. "Thank you Mr. Vernon"

For the rest of the class Sam explained the do's and don'ts to the present Autobots and was simply hoping that Jazz, who had been placed in English at the time was not making too much of a fool of himself.

Finally the bell ended and class let out. The group left to regroup with Jazz who met them in the exit of the Math hall.

"how did English go?" asked Sam.

"Meh it was boring" responded Jazz

"How many questions did you answer?" asked Sam

"Pshh like I'm going to pull the weight for those losers" laughed Jazz.

Sam laughed and it felt good to. To be honest when he first heard Optimus' intentions to join the same college he was a little worried for both himself and the Autobots. He thought that maybe he was too dependant on them… maybe he needed to learn some of life's lessons for himself instead of always having a transformer there to rely on. His concerns also spread to his friends, although they might enjoy the experience could their secret come out? What if they learned about all the ugly things kids could do in college? He decided to put his concerns to the side for now and to simply enjoy the company. He was with friends and that was all he needed… right?

Suddenly the group was greeted by another student.

"Hiya Guys!" came an overly cheery voice. All of the Autobots turned to see a girl approaching them. None of them had a clue who she was.

"Hi, my name is Katie. I saw you guys in my math class and I was hoping to introduce myself to you" said the new girl.

"You're really smart" giggled Katie "were you raised in Japan?"

The Autobots found no humor in this but apparently Sam did as he was laughing. They quickly joined in to sound normal and Sam wished they hadn't. It sounded so fake… he wanted to shoot himself. His friends were embarrassing him in front of a girl.

"Hi I'm Sam"

"Nice to meet you"

"My name is Alex Forrest" said Ironhide.

"My name is Harrison Vernon" said Optimus

"My name is J.D." Said Jazz

"and my name is Brad Pitt" said Bumble Bee as smooth as he could.

Katie laughed a little

"You can call me Brad Church though" finished Bumble Bee

"Cool, what classes did you guys get"

The group exchanged Schedules

"Hey cool! We have matching schedules" exclaimed Katie

"Hey we do!" replied Sam.

"Well I'll see you guys later" said Katie as she rushed off leaving as quickly as she came.

Sam watched almost in a trance as she waved goodbye. Hers would be a name he would never forget…


	3. Chapter 3

Autobots 101 Chapter 3

Authors Note: I was talking to my friend today about fanfiction. She said her favorite authors write 15 page chapters! I was like damn, mine are only about 3 pages per chapter. Anyways now that I have that out I do have 1 quick little contest just to keep people interested. It is true that in not being good at names I did use my middle name as one of the Autobot's pseudo names (could be first or last). I'll announce who gets it right in the next chapter.

The Autobot base was as they had left it. After exiting the ambulance the autobots made various conversation about their days and compared data. "That was boring as Hell man" said a very bored Jazz. "Was there anything there that I didn't already know besides some crackpots interpretation of Macbeth?" Jazz quickly walked up to the spark transferal machine. "Yo Ratchet! Get me outta this body"

Ratchet sighed but complied with the request. He fired up the machine and it lined up the two of Jazz's bodies and transferred the spark. The newly restored Jazz wiggled around a little in his old body. "Damn it feels weird to walk again. Ratchet you should probably fix that machine"

Ratchet had almost had it with the bot. Here he was stuck in the base playing World of Warcraft all day long simply waiting to be beckoned back to the school while he, Ratchet, was left out of the human's cultural experience. Jazz didn't even appreciate what he was getting yet he got to go out into the world of the humans everyday. What Ratchet wouldn't give just to be able to talk with some new sentient beings.

Optimus could tell Ratchet was upset. He didn't understand why or at what but he could tell. He put his hand on Ratchet's shin. "Thank you"

One by one the Autobots returned to their original bodies until it was Ironhide's turn. Ironhide lined up his body with the machine and the clamps came upon him. Suddenly the computer began its alarm "Error! Error! Incompatible Device! Process Terminated".

"Slag it Ratchet what the hell is wrong with this thing!"

"I FRANKLY DON'T GIVE A DAMN!" said Ratchet as he stormed off further into the base.

Ironhide froze, Everyone froze.

"Perhaps you should just wait till tomorrow and I'm sure he'll fix it by then" said Bumble Bee as much as it pained him to be the voice of reason.

Optimus began to compute the possibilities. There was no room to put Ironhide in as he could not interface with most of the technology in his current form. He began to compute the possibilities. Bee however was the first to come up with an idea.

"Well I've lived with Sam and his parents for quite a while… They still are ignorant to our existence but in Ironhide's current form…"

"A sleepover?" asked Sam's mom

"Yeah, It'll be fun!" said Sam through his cell phone

"Aren't you a little old for sleepovers?"

"No mom, it's a great way to hang out with friends. Everybody does it"

"… Well you have school tomorrow"

"That's fine mom, he goes to my school"

"Sam are you being pressured to do this? Peer pressure is bad"

"No mom…sigh I've known um" Sam whispered to Ironhide "whats your name?"

"Alex"

"Mom, I've known Alex for a long time. Don't you remember him?"

"No, Alex who"

"Ironhide?"

"Alex Ironhide?"

"Forrest"

"Alex Forrest mom. He was in my math class…"

"Well OK but you have to be in bed by 11:00"

"Thanks mom, I love you bye"

Sam and "Alex" entered through the screen door. Bumble Bee began to back out just a little. "Go park yourself!" whispered Sam loudly. The engine hissed but did as it was told.

Sam and Ironhide had strategically entered the house at 9:00 to avoid having to interact much with the parents.

Mrs. Witwicky was in the living room and greeted them warmly. "Hi there!" her famous almost too sugary smile accompanied a small wave of her hand.

"Hi mom, Iron… erm… Alex and I are going to my room"

"Hold on" protested Mrs. Witwicky "I haven't even met your friend… He's rather macho there isn't he"

"I see you noticed" said a _not at all egotistical Ironhide _as he flexed.

"You need to train Sam" laughed Mrs. Witwicky.

At that moment a small Chihuahua burst into the room yapping. He knew the smell this new stranger was giving off and he didn't like it

"I see you came back for round two" grinned Ironhide.

"What was that?" asked Mrs. Witwicky

"He said he'd be glad to… isn't that right" said Sam with an attempt at fake laughter.

"So tell me how do you boys like your new school"

"It's educational standards seem to be adequate and the sociology and inner workings of the campus and it's affiliated events seems to be amusing" said a rather distracted Ironhide. The Chihuahua was coming closer. Yes… that was it little doggy… come closer… come within range of my stomp… there is no Optimus to save you this time.

"Wow that's quite a vocabulary you have there" said Mrs. Witwicky with an honest tone of being impressed. "There's a certain someone I know who could learn a thing or two from you"

Sam sighed. Someone was never good enough for her. Sam noticed a deadly gaze between Mojo and Ironhide. Out of all the autobots to have at his house he had to have the one who might do something rash.

Mojo began to growl. "Oh stop that mojo!" yelled Mrs. Witwicky "Sam, go feed the dog his pain pill"

Sam quickly picked up the dog and took it away. "Yes… flee for now… I await round three…"

After about and hour and a half of talking Sam and Ironhide managed to make it upstairs into Sam's room. The clock read 10:37 and Sam was tired. To be honest he hadn't really done much at all during the summer besides get dumped by Mikaela. Then he had to play mediator between Optimus and his ex trying to quell Optimus' fear of discovery.

It was nice though as his new Autobot friends tried to comfort him. They actually bought a Wii and some games for their base specifically for Sam. He knew that they really didn't need him anymore as they had been given access from the government to go anywhere they wanted on the web and yet they had still tried to include him in their schedule.

After getting cleaned up Sam hopped into his bed. Ironhide actually plugged himself into the wall with a cord that came out of his right knee.

"Goodnight Ironhide"

"Goodnight Sam"

The light flicked off.

"Hey Sam…"

"Yeah?"

"Don't you think Ratchet was a little cranky today?"

"I'm not taking sides"

"Fine…"

The night became silent once more until…

"Hey Sam…"

"YES?"

"You have to agree though that he was being a little outlandish"

"Ironhide I'm not taking sides!"

"Why not?"

"Remember what happened last time I took your side"

FLASHBACK

"Come on Optimus just say it!" said Jazz as pestering as he could be

"Aw fine… And now let the First annual Autobot tennis match begin…"

Jazz and Bumble Bee took their Wii controllers and clashed them together.

"You and I will crush them" said Ironhide

Jazz and Bee scored

"Come on pick up the defense!" said Ironhide

"Im trying" replied Sam

Jazz and Bee win the first game

"THEY ARE TARGETING YOU! YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK SAM!"

"IM SORRY" cried Sam.

Jazz and Bee won the second match it was over.

Ironhides hand revealed his cannon

"SLAG IT SAM!!!" said Ironhide as he fired into the roof.

"Sam that was a long time ago…"

"Goodnight"

Authors note 2: just as a reminder the names were

Optimus- Harrison Vernon

Ironhide- Alex Forrest

Jazz- J.D

Bumble Bee- Brad Church

Ratchet- Ratchet … hehe


	4. Chapter 4

Autobots 101 Chapter 4

Authors note: First off I would like to thank Elita One for reviewing my story. Nobody guessed the name (at least at the time of typing this) because nobody guessed. Yes it was a sad attempt to get reviews… I'm sorry. Anyways I figured since it entertains me to write it, it can't hurt to post it.

If you are reading this please Review even if it is simply "Hi"

Daybreak came far too early for Sam. Ironhide had kept him up all night. For Ironhide the night was very self enlightening. Nobody gave him the respect he deserved. The two both went downstairs together one with a bit more spring in his step than the other.

"Greetings Boy's" said Mrs. Witwicky enthusiasticly. In her hand was a frying pan full of eggs with melted cheese on them. It was HUGE.

"Mom… what's with the huge breakfast" asked Sam sleepily

"Oh, I forgot that your father was on a business trip… but seeing that I have two boys here you should have no trouble finishing it"

She pushed the boys to the table and gently forced the two to sit down. Ironhide began to give Sam funny looks and he couldn't decipher their meaning. Soon two plates were put down in front of the boys and Sam began to eat. Ironhide did not.

"What's wrong Alex?" asked Mrs. Witwicky

"I um… have to pray?" replied Ironhide

"Oh what religion are you?"

"Cybertronian" replied Ironhide casually

"That isn't Christian is it…" said a disappointed Mrs. Witwicky

Sam interjected "Um no mom. It is, it's just a very small branch"

"I don't consider Scientology Christian" began Sam's mother

"It's not like that!" said Sam. He picked his brain for a continuation "It's branched off of Methodism?"

"Oh" said Sam's mother "I'll be right back, I've got to take my Osteo Biflex"

As soon as she left the room Ironhide pushed his plate in front of Sam

"What?" asked Sam

"hurry eat this! I can't" said a very rushed Ironhide

Sam sighed and quickly devoured the rather large plate of eggs. He then turned focus to his own when his mother returned.

"Wow you ate those fast!" commented Sam's mother. Ironhide did what the internet told him to do in situations like this. He smiled and nodded. "Here let me get you another plate"

Sam groaned, It would be a very long morning.

The car was very silent as Bumble Bee drove his two companions back to the Autobot base. "Look, I'm sorry Bee" said Sam for at least the fifth time

"You … you threw up in me…" protested a rather irritated Bee. Ironhide did the second most common thing to do for situations that didn't fall into the smile and nod category. He frowned and nodded.

Once at the Autobot base the trio was rushed to prepare for school. Ratchet was in the medical bay although today he didn't look angry, just apathetic. He ran the conversion machine swiftly and effectively without saying a word unless it pertained to medical suggestions.

All the transfers were completed except for Jazz.. "Please expedite yourself Jazz" asked Optimus as politely as he could while he was in such an annoyed mood.

"I'm not going today" stated Jazz coolly. He didn't want to seem defiant and all but he did not want to sit in rooms full of teachers whom could not possible fathom the level of intellect he possessed. "It isn't worth my time"

Not in an arguing mood Prime sighed and consented "Fine… suit yourself". He was in no mood to rustle up his already tightly wound circuits.

After all was said and done the group still had an hour before they had to be in their first class, math. Optimus confronted Ratchet as discreetly as possible. "Want to tell me what's racking your wires?"

Ratchet wanted more than anything to spill his guts out to Prime. Between Jazz and Ironhide he was sick of everything. Even he, a medical expert, could not explain these feelings. "I function at 100" said Ratchet coldly.

Optimus looked a little hurt. This wasn't what Ratchet wanted. The bot simply turned away and began to walk. Ratchet felt so horrible as Prime began to join the group. Optimus stopped about halfway there and said without even turning around "well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be there for you"

Ratchet drove the team to the college where they were dropped off again in front of the school. Everyone thanked him as per tradition and he left. The group began walking towards class when an unsuspected foe began to unfold their plans with Sam Witwicky as the target.

Sam bumped into someone "I'm sorry" sputtered out Sam. He saw that it was in fact Katie that he had knocked over. Sam waved the Autobots off and they continued towards class.

"Oh hey there!" said Katie cheerfully as she picked up her books. "Sam Right?". Sam nodded. "Good to see you again. I assume you are off to Math as well right?" again Sam nodded unable to speak. "well I'll see you there"

Little did Sam know but he had caught the eye of another woman as well and while he was walking to class he was stopped by another girl. She was wearing biker leather that was so tight on her he could see every muscle move in her body as she walked. Her skin was tanned to perfection and upon first glance one would think that she had popped out of a movie.

"Hey there" said the girl putting her arms on Sam's shoulder. "I think you have a little dust on you" she swept off some imaginary follicles from his shoulder and backed out of breathing space. "My name is Karen" said the girl putting her finger up to her lips. "Do you have a name"

"Yeah it's Sam" said the boy calmly.

"Karen" was impressed. The boy had not fallen for her immediately even though she was based on his previous tastes in women.

"Want to meet after school?" asked Karen suggestively.

"Sure but not today" said Sam as he walked off.

A voice was heard in Karen's ear "You fail me Starscream! The boy is a needed Pawn in my plan!"

"Megatron, there is only one logical explanation as to how he was able to resist… The boy is Gay"

"…"

"…"

"Well Starscream this complicates things… Blackout!"

"Yes Lord Megatron?"

"You know what to do"

"…"

"Blackout?!?"

"sigh yes… Lord Megatron"

For some crazy reason Katie was all Sam could think about. Upon entering the classroom his fellow Autobots instantly surrounded him.

"So how did it go stud?" asked Bumble Bee

"It's not like that…" stated Sam defensively

"But do you find her appealing by your standards?" asked Optimus

There was a silence followed by all the Autobots smiling around him.

"you guys suck… You're like Women in a bathroom for crying out loud!"

Unfortunately Sam's last comment was loud enough to attract the attention of the teacher, Mrs. Weaver.

"Really now? Well that's very interesting but it doesn't pertain to my Class so therefore you will stay after class"

Sam gave the group death glares and none of them dared make eye contact.

After class the teacher began to give Sam a speech. His Autobot friends were waiting for him but the teacher waved them out of the room. They then waited outside until she told them to go to their next class. Unfortunately this was also heard by Blackout who was prowling outside the classroom waiting to make his move.

Sam was finally released and Blackout pounced.

Sam accidently ran into another student. He was wearing a black muscle shirt which suited him very well. His eyes were piercingly green and his brown hair rand down both sides of his face.

"Excuse me" apologized the other student emphatically

"No problem" said Sam and he began to walk away.

Blackout needed an excuse to follow him. He quickly downloaded the boy's schedule and picked out the class next to his next class. "Do you know how to get to room 104"

"sure I'm in 105" said Sam

The two made smalltalk.

"So tell me how do you like this school?"

"It's alright" answered Sam

"I just haven't found anyone I can connect with… do you know what I mean?" asked Blackout suggestively

Sam laughed

"Do it now!" yelled a voice in Blackout's ear.

_This is going to hurt me more than you, fleshling_

Blackout pinned him against the wall

"I like you a lot" said Blackout slowly

Sam pushed the man off him. "Sorry I'm not like that…" said Sam walking away.

"Megatron it appears I have failed to entice the boy"

"AHHH I do not have time to attempt every fetish this human may possess… we must observe him more. Blackout, change your appearance. Starscream, resume your previous form."

Sam walked on the street as it was the fastest way to get to the next building. He was being followed. He felt something wrong when he heard a voice from behind him.

"Hey Sam! Get in"

It was Jazz. "Jazz I thought you were supposed to be at the base?" asked Sam

"I suppose I am but It's no fun there and Ratchet definitely didn't want me there.

Kid's began to notice that Sam was talking to a Car.

"I can't, Optimus would get mad"

Jazz sighed "Fine at least let me give you a ride…"

Sam accepted and got in the car. It went to the building Sam was supposed to go to.

"That's it" said Sam

"I know" said Jazz about as evilly as an Autobot could " I can't have some fun without some company"


	5. Chapter 5

Autobots 101 Chapter 5

Authors Note: YAY I GOT LOTS OF REVIEWS!

"Lord Megatron we have received Information that target 'Sam Witwicky' is leaving the campus and is escorted only by Autobot 'Jazz'". Starscream could really care less but he knew that Megatron would punish him if he omitted one little detail… Anyways simply working for Megatron was punishing enough.

"Ah excellent" came Megatron from the speakers "Since there were 'complications' in my first plan to manipulate Sam Witwicky it would seem that a new plan is in order". Both Starscream and Blackout shuddered. "If we cannot manipulate the boy using his own will we will strip him of it". Megatron explained his plan and Starscream and Blackout were relieved.

"Jazz, where are you taking me?!?" asked a very frantic Sam. Jazz simply turned up the radio.

"You'll have to speak louder Sam, I can't hear you!"

"Oh real mature"

They drove around the town until the car stopped at a Sorority House. "Oh Hell no!" said Sam

Ratchet knelt down repairing the spark transferal machine. It had a few minor bugs that were probably wear and tear related. He hadn't realized how much maintenance the machine would need. He finally finished and just sat staring at his work. Everything was in order… yep… the machine was fixed… the spare drones were still functional… just incase someone's body got damaged… of course they could be used to make a new body…

Finally after much internal debate Ratchet decided to leave the room. Better to remove temptation right? Anyways he would be betraying Optimus' trust. But still…

"Where is Sam?" asked Optimus. Class would start in five minutes and he still was not present. "If he misses class he will be behind"

"With all due respect Optimus, Chill out" said a completely nonchalant Bumble Bee. "I'm sure he will walk through that door any minute"

A minute passed

"Yep any second now"

A minute passed

"Sam wouldn't skip class"

A minute passed

"Where the hell is he?"

A minute passed

sigh "I'll go get him"

Blackout and Starscream both arrived at the sorority house about 5 minutes after Sam and Jazz. Soon after exiting their vehicle the police car discreetly drove itself out of sight. The two stayed at a strategic distance first observing their foes and listening to what they have to say.

"Jazz please, you don't understand" said Sam. He was easily labeled as frustrated.

"Come on Sam, go in there and get a girl… if you don't" teased Jazz. His radio turned on very low just loud enough that Sam could hear it.

_I'm a Barbie Girl, In a Barbie Wo-o-orld_

"Please no Jazz" begged Sam.

"Sam, College is an experience you only get to live once. What's the point of going through it if you don't have fun?". In Jazz's research on college he had come across several social events. Promises of lifelong friends, doing life changing things, and having the best time in your life. The first day of school proved to Jazz that those things wouldn't come by themselves, they had to be prompted.

"Jazz, you don't understand… I think I might like someone else…"

Both Starscream and Blackout crossed their fingers and prayed it wasn't them.

Jazz turned off the music and began listening. "And who is this Sam?"

"It might seem strange…" said Sam. Blackout was prepared for self termination. "but you know that Katie girl?" Blackout disarmed the self destruct function.

"Reaaaly now" asked Jazz.

"Yes Jazz and if you respected me you would take me back to school and let me be with her" chided Sam. To tell the truth, most of those words were simply to get Jazz to take him back to school but still. He wasn't lying when he said he liked Katie.

Starscream quickly sent a data report to Megatron about his recent discovery. " abort your current mission then and return to campus. It looks like we are just going to have to use the string to control the cat"

Sam had been gone for the entire class when he and Jazz returned to campus. They were met with a rather unhappy Optimus. "Where have you been?" asked Optimus in his quiet voice. Optimus did not get fired up when he was mad. No, he was like a Mother whose child had been out past curfew kind of mad.

"It was my fault" said Jazz. "I decided that it would be more fun to skip class and to party with some girls than go to class". Surprisingly he said that with a straight face… er well…

"So was it fun?" asked Optimus.

"No… In the long term I was only hurting Sam's education… and lovelife"

This caught all the other Autobots off guard. Even Optimus dropped the bad cop act and asked "What is he talking about?"

Sam's face grew red and he broke eye contact

"cough Katie cough"

"Cars don't cough Jazz" said Sam.

"Is this true?" asked Optimus.

"Pound it" demanded Bumble Bee

"Yes…" said Sam meekly

"Hmm… I suppose I can forgo punishment this time" commented Optimus to no-one in particular. "But see that it does not happen again"

The group returned home in Jazz figuring they would give Ratchet the time off.

Upon arriving Ironhide yelled "YO RATCHET WE'RE BACK!" a clanking noise and the sound of a giant robot falling over were heard.

"Slag it! You snuck up on me!" yelled an annoyed Ratchet

"Sorry dude" apologized Bumble Bee.

"Ratchet Report" commanded Optimus.

"I fixed the machine and Ironhide should be able to return to his normal 'beat em up and blow em up' self.

Ironhide growled a little.

Optimus checked the newly Improved machine and realized that one of the spare drones was missing. "Ratchet where's the last drone?"

"I'm repairing it" said Ratchet. He felt kind of bad. While it was true he hadn't done anything rash he had taken one of the drones to examine again in his private quarters. It couldn't hurt to pretend right?

After a few minutes all the Autobots had returned to their normal forms. "Damn it feels good to be me again" said Ironhide unfolding his cannons. Sam laughed.

"I should probably head home. Bee?"

The giant robot transformed into the car and revved its engine. It was ready to roll.

Meanwhile,

Blackout was forced to resume that cursed form he had tried to seduce Sam with. It felt so… defiled. At least this time his target was of the opposite gender.

Katie was walking to her dorm. He knew it was a little ways away and seeing as she didn't have her car nearby it gave Blackout a lot of time to intercept her and make his move. With all his books in his hand he began to run in her direction as fast as the average human would. She noticed him but since he didn't make eye contact with her she took him only for a rushing student. When he had strategically passed her and was about 5 feet in front of her he feigned tripping and let all his books fly in every which way. "Oh shoot" said Blackout scurrying to pick up the books. As planned she began to help him.l

"Here you go" said Target Katie.

"I'm so sorry to bother you. Thank you for the help"

"No problem. I'm Katie"

"I'm Mark. Nice to meet you" He was hoping she would notice the anime magazine he had dropped and comment on it. Frenzy had surveyed her room and found out that she was rather fond of it. She didn't notice. He decided to comment on it. "Ah I'm glad my Shonen Jump didn't rip"

"Oh you like anime?"

"Yeah I love anime"

" Me too! What's your favorite"

"Um… hmm well I like a lot of them. What's yours?"

"I like Gundam! I love giant robots"

Blackout was sure there was some irony in this situation but decided not to dedicate the cycles to finding it.

"Actually I have two tickets to the Anime Weekend Oklahoma, want to go?"

"Sure!" said Katie giving him her number. "Well see ya later!"

"too easy" thought Blackout as he sent Megatron his report.

"Excellent…"


	6. Chapter 6

Autobots 101 Chapter 6

Authors Note: Well more of a question actually. Anyone know where I can find episodes 19+ or G1. They still are not up on YouTube to my knowledge. Yeah just PM me. Thanks

"That will be 18.96" said the cashier. Blackout dug into his pocket and pulled out a 20 feeling the rather special gap in his pants. Decepticon funds were low, real low. He had the package though and all his plans were set.

Upon arriving at the decepticon base, an old cave (because funding was bad and they needed space), a giant megatron demanded "Give me the change!". Blackout handed the remaining U.S dollars to the giant robot. "Where is the rest of it?" demanded Megatron. Blackout then pulled the receipt out of his pocket and handed it to the giant robot as well. "WHAT! DID YOU GET THE CHEAPEST KIND?!?!". Blackout nodded. "Damn fleshlings, nothing I need is ever on sale". Megatron began to conjure up a plan in his mind. "It appears our current funding is 1 U.S dollar and 4 cents. Frenzy!" a small robot scurried to the front of Megatron. "Go rob ATM's" the robot complied and scurried off. "as for you two…"

Starscream was seriously considering a mutiny. "Alright girls!" came an overly preppy voice. "My name is Shelly and I'll be your manager if you get hired to work here at… HOOTERS!"

Blackout was bored. At least he got a better Job than Starscream. "Alright what did you say your name was?" asked Joe.

"My name is Mark" replied Blackout

"Hmm so you know how to spot right?"

"Yeah I used to work in my friend's dad's gym"

"Alright you are hired, your application and resume look good. You start tomorrow"

"Alright you're hired" said Shelly. Starscream cursed his fate in his mind. "It's actually a really easy job, all you have to do is take orders and bring people their food… and just between us you get better tips if you flirt a little"

"Sam" called Optimus. Currently the boy was playing Wii Tennis with Bumble Bee.

"Just a second Optimus!" yelled Sam from the other room. This would not do, this was a far more important matter to Optimus than Wii Tennis. Optimus walked into the room and with a giant robot hand gently turned off the Wii. "What was that for?" cired Sam and Bee in unison.

"Sam, I noticed you got an 89 on that math test…" said Optimus who began to sit down. This was odd for him.

"In my psychology class I've learned about behavior patterns and I think you are leading yourself down a self destructive path". Sam was a little confused and a little well… scared, no scared wasn't the right word. "Sam, do you want to come sit on my lap?" asked Prime gesturing to his lap.

"Optimus it's really not a big deal. I'll do better next time"

"Come sit on my lap Sam"

"…" Sam finally complied. Bee was snickering but one look from Optimus shut him up.

"Now Sam, has anything been upsetting you?"

"Uh…Not really"

"Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Don't you pretty much know everything about my life?"

"Sam, I can't help you if you don't help me"

Blackout was counting down the seconds. He had the package in his hands and 30 dollars in his newly obtained Wallet. Decepticon funds had dramatically increased while morale dramatically decreased. "JUST A MINUTE!" Yelled Katie from inside her apartment. Finally the door opened to reveal a very strange mixture of clothes assorted on the girls body. Blackout checked the internet and went through the entire google image to find that she most resembled and image called "Lina Inverse". "Where is your costume?!" asked Katie.

"Well the website said it was optional"

"BUT EVERYONE WILL BE IN COSTUME!" laughed Katie. "Is this your first time?"

"Yes"

"Come with me, I think I have something for you"

This was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Turn around now. Ratchet arrived at the entrance to Anime Weekend Oklahoma but this time he was not an ambulance. The robot had taken on what would be a perfect cosplay of spike from cowboy bebop. Simply walking around he was getting several cheers and pictures taken.

"Will you marry me?" asked a girl who ran up and hugged him.

"Um perhaps I do not understand your request, for a moment I believed you wished for me to join with you in the ceremony of holy matrimony"

"Haha that's cute"

Ratchet spent no time in separating himself from the crowd. "What am I doing, these are not my kind of people… primus what hasn't gone wrong tonight?". Suddenly a small electrical blip came up on his radar. His radar was still tuned to only pick up all-spark related frequencies which meant… no. There wouldn't be another being possessing a spark unless Optimus or another Autobot came. Still he should at least identify the source.

People laughed at Blackout as he strode through the crowd. "You look so cute as Pikachu!" laughed Katie. It surprisingly wasn't all that bad. In a certain manner he was enjoying it. Throughout the course of the convention they ended up watching several actually enjoyable human film creations. It was only a little to late that he realized he was emmiting a spark signal. He turned it off fast. Weird, he wondered why he was broadcasting it, usually it could be cloaked unless…

bang !. A shot rang out and hit Blackout in the back. He fell to the floor. Katie instantly went to him and knelt over him. Ratchet couldn't fire with her in the proximity.

"Megatron! I am under attack by a suspected unidentified Autobot!" broadcasted Blackout.

"We will be there shortly" came a reply  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam's life all made sense now. He was simply hiding his true potential because he was afraid of how society would view him.

"OPTIMUS! DECEPTICONS! IM SENDING THE COORDINATES" came Ratchets voice through the computer system. Before Optimus could even give the orders Ironhide Transformed and was on his way.

"Lets Move!" said Optimus who was already halfway through his transformation.

"But violence is wrong" said the newly enlightened Sam.

"Sometimes… well… lets go!"

The Autobots left a mind shattered Sam back at base alone. Had everything he talked to Optimus about be a lie. His whole perception on life shattered? Oh well he had Nintendo.

Megatron was amused by either the bravery or the stupidity of these humans. Instead of fleeing as per custom they were all gathered around his feet. "Out of my way pesky fleshlings". He had not intended for them to obey so willingly. The simply cleared a path and began resuming their actions of staring and taking pictures. Abovehead was Starscream circling and about 200 yards in front of Megatron was Blackout with the aquired target. Barricade was out front to prevent any more Autobots from entering. This new Autobot would be the first to die in the new war. Ratchet began to run towards the entrance when a large shadow quickly flew over him.

Ratchet looked up to see a transforming police car falling from being thrown. Optimus appeared and was quickly followed by Jazz.

"Oh my God! Those things are real" screamed Katie. Blackout took her into his arms and began running to the side.

"Megatron!" yelled a surprised Optimus.

"Well Well Prime, It appears you are once again late to the party"

"But how Megatron?"

"Wouldn't you like to know" said Megatron showing his razor sharp serrated teeth.

"This is the best convention EVER!" yelled a spectator.

Katie and Blackout rushed into a large dining hall. It was empty and the two scurried away from the action. Suddenly Katie broke down crying "We're going to die! What the hell are they! WHY!". Blackouts biological sensors as underequiped as they were could tell the human was going into shock. He speech pattern alone indicated a primitive mindset.

"I promise I won't let them hurt you" said "Mark" as he took the crying girl into his arms and for once he felt an obligation to keep his word and he didn't mind.


	7. Chapter 7

Autobots 101 Chapter 7

Authors Note: Yes I did give away some spoilers with the new Summary, I'm sorry. I needed more people… I got lonely lol. Anyways I was talking the other day to my friend who read this and she called it crack fiction and I beg to disagree. This is not so potent as to be called crack fiction, marijuana fiction perhaps but not crack fiction. She said I got defensive… So What makes crack fiction? Slightly warping personalities… check. I admit I horribly abused Blackout's personality and stretched it beyond repair BUT I DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR STARSCREAM. STARSCREAM BEING A GIRL IS CANNON! German dub of G1 is proof. As per any other concerns I apologize for mildly twisting their personalities (though the word mild is debatable) for my own entertainment (and hopefully yours). To explain the first paragraph … well I can't. It's a stupid scene that has been running through my head since I saw a certain persons profile.

Frenzy scattered over to the injured Barricade who was now emitting a very unpleasant high pitched whine. "1010111101010101011!"

"Oh shut up! I do not sound like a femme" muttered Barricade as he was regaining his balance.

"101010111101010100010001"

"Oh like you would know how much it hurts! All you do is hack computers"

"00011001010110101000111"

"Hey, don't talk to me like that. I am not your woman!"

"10001001 _0100010101001"_

"That was strictly business… I needed the information about project ICEMAN and interfacing was the only way to get it… It was only a one time deal"

"2"

"Do you really mean that? Oh you are such a charmer!" said Barricade. He quickly looked around and saw that Megatron was still far away and out of listening range. "Fine… but we have to keep it secret from Megatron… you know he's a conservative cybertronian"

Jazz leapt at Megatron who caught him by his foot. This was too scary and familiar as it had been the cause of his previous near demise. Optimus was here this time and he quickly shot Megatron's hand.

"Slag it PRIME" said Megatron letting go of Jazz and pursuing a much more powerful target. The fan's were cheering.

"This is for the new Gundam series coming out" commented one nerd to his friend.

"Pssh are you retarted? Its for the new Movie!"

The battle raged on for 5 minutes until Megatron received a signal from Blackout "Target has been removed from battle, I await your further orders"

Megatron shot at the feeble Ratchet who amidst the chaos was still trying to shoot using his arm cannon. The blow hit and it sent Ratchet flying back several yards. "Decepticons! Fall Out!" yelled Megatron.

Optimus hurried over to his fallen comrade. "RATCHET!" yelled Prime. The Delicate drone responded.

"Sir, I am functional". Ratchet was too full of shame to speak to prime as a person so he would speak as a soldier.

Optimus burst through the doors of the base hurrying Ratchet to his own spark transferal machine. The Machine worked and Ratchet was soon back in his old body. Sam was in awe. He hadn't seen the handiwork of the decepticons for a while now and the see the crumpled drone that only a few moments ago was Ratchet brought back memories.

Ratchet then retreated out of his own medical bay without so much as looking prime in the optics. He wound up in his personal chamber though he didn't honestly know where he was going. He sat there for hours. How stupid had he been to risk his entire team just for the sake of having one day of freedom. The door slid open and there was Optimus on que. He probably wanted to dismantle Ratchet piece by piece and at the moment Ratchet would have let him.

"Ratchet…" said Optimus in his low voice. He put his hand on Ratchet's shoulder. "If you wanted to go outside I would have let you. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry Optimus. Just for once I wanted to be… I wanted to feel like I was part of something"

"Ratchet you are always a part of our team"

"Am I?" asked Ratchet "Or am I simply a machine fit to improve the lives of everyone else, that's what machines do right?!?"

Optimus began to leave the room slowly "I never thought of you that way". The door closed and Ratchet felt horrible, absolutely horrible. He wanted to run up to that door run outside and apologize to Optimus but he couldn't now. Oh man he was in some deep slag.

Ironhide, Jazz, Bumble Bee, and Sam had been as quiet as possible with Optimus gone. Nobody dared to be the first one to speak. Optimus finally re-entered the room. He looked everyone in the optics and eyes in Sam's case. "It appears that a threat has appeared yet again. I feel it is in the best interest of the entire world if we were to pull out of college"

"But you guys can't!" yelled Sam.

"Sam" said Optimus gently " The world needs us too, We will always be your friends and feel free to visit us anytime. We'll always be here for you, but we can't be here all the time…"

With that Sam began to leave, running blindly out of the base. Bumble Bee slowly followed. "He'll need a ride home". Optimus nodded and the Robot transformed into the yellow Camaro and began to follow Sam.

Katie was at school on Monday only in body. Her mind was lost somewhere between the chaos. Had all that been real? This weekend she _had _gone to that convention. Her costume was strewn out on the floor. What the hell had happened? Why did aliens want her boyfriend, well no he wasn't her boyfriend. Not that she hadn't thought about it. Her conscious was re-awakened when she heard a familiar voice.

"Katie?... Katie?"

"Oh hey Sam"

"Are you alright? You look like you haven't slept in days"

"I slept fine last night"

"Oh… well did you have a fun weekend?"

"…"

"Katie?"

"Oh sorry, um hey can I talk to you some other time when I'm feeling better?"

"Oh… Sure"

With that she walked away. Sam watched her and she seemed so… distant. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye he saw some quick movement. He turned around and believed he saw some papers get pulled under a table set up under one of the pavilions. Today was the day clubs were trying to recruit new members so Sam decided he should probably go pick up the papers for whatever club had lost them. As he approached he saw they were gone. Turning to walk away he saw one of the pamphlets that had been apparently missed by the caper. Sam bent down and picked it up. 'School Elections: Change your School by becoming your class' president'

Suddenly from above something hit Sam and made a snatch for the pamphlet. Lucky for Sam he was still carrying all the others in his left hand and could not use both to grab at the pamphlet. Sam managed to break the small robots hold on the flier and began to try to fling him off of himself. Frenzy knowing that such a commotion would soon attract spectators hit Sam down onto the ground where they began to wrestle. A pen fell out of Sam's pocket and seizing the moment he grabbed it and stabbed straight through one of the small robot's Optics. The robot squealed in high pitch pain.

Sam ran out of the pavilion and into a crowd of people. "I believe you have something that belongs to me" said a familiar voice from behind him. It was a tall athletic Male who looked very angry. Beside the man stood that girl from the other day, Karen was it?

"Aww you don't recognize me? I'd expect someone to remember who he kills"

Bumble Bee's phone rang and instantly he knew it was Sam. He wanted to tap that button on his ear and begin transmission but he knew that it would probably be Sam begging again and he just couldn't take it.

It rang again

And Again

And Again.

Bee picked up the phone and before he could even say hello Sam's voice came shouting through the phone "Bee you gotta help me!"

"Sam what's wrong?!?"

"Decepti…" the phone cut out but Sam didn't even have to finish the word for Bee to know what he was trying to say. He began transmitting on Autobot frequencies.

"Optimus, we have a problem"

"Just try and relax Sam" came the voice of Megatron though it was much clearer coming through a human drone. "It's not like I would attack you here in the middle of the campus in plain sight is it?"

"What did you do to my phone?" asked Sam.

"It's not my fault your cheap phone cut out… it must be the service" laughed Megatron. "I've come to liberate you of that slip you have in your hand but don't think I'm so heartless, I'm willing to trade for it"

"What do you mean?" asked Sam cautiously, this robot was much smarter and much more devious than he could imagine.

"Well Sam isn't it just a shame that your friends have no more time to hang out with you? You do consider the… Autobots your friends" Megatron had to watch out from adding a habitual adjective before the word Autobot slipped from his lips.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about causing you no more trouble for the rest of your days boy, I'll leave you and your … Autobot friends to do whatever you wish"

"And what about the other humans" asked Sam

Hmm the boy was asking questions. This showed he was at least interested. "I could care less about physically harming them, it's simply the fact that I don't mind doing it to obtain my goals. You think of me as a heartless monster who comes to destroy you but you forget my real desire. I am not a killing machine, I kill only to further my goals and will gladly do so at any opportune moment."

"That doesn't answer my question" said Sam. He had almost bought that distraction for a moment.

"Very well I agree not to physically harm the humans" said Megatron. "and now we shake?"

"What are you getting out of this Megatron?"

"A promise that you or any of your associates will run for campus positions"

"That's not what I asked, You didn't even discuss how long this truce would last"

"It's good forever" said Megatron attempting a smile but still looking incredibly evil.

Bumble Bee arrived at the scene in human form and came to Sam's side. "I wouldn't try anything Megatron we have the campus surrounded and we didn't see any of your minions"

"Oh? Why would you think I would need minions for a negotiation? Well now that you have ruined Sam and I's little party I suppose we should leave Starscream."

With that Megatron walked away turning back only to smile and wave at Bumble Bee.

"What exactly is your plan Megatron? So what if the Autobots try to get elected to campus offices?"

"You fool Starscream! You are too narrow minded"

"My _Most Sincere Apologies _Megatron. Do elaborate"

If only mother hadn't made him promise he wouldn't kill Starscream. "If you must know it is the first stepping stone to becoming President of the United States"

"WHAT?!?! Why would you want to do that?"

"With the All Spark gone there is no hope of raising a robot army Starscream and truly great leaders will not let some minor flaws ruin their chance at conquest"

"Are you insane! These humans are weak and stupid!"

"Ah but with my technology and their expendable numbers an estimated total over 6 billion not to mention Earth's natural resources… Well quite frankly it's the makings of an empire"

"Hmm I may see your point, but are you sure you can pull this off Megatron"

"OF COURSE I CAN STARSCREAM! I AM UNSTOPPABLE"

"Sam are you O.K.?" asked Bumble Bee in a frantic mode as they were walking towards one of the campus exits.

"I told you I'm fine. I suppose the next question you'll ask is where he touched me…"

"HE TOUCHED YOU!?!?"

Students turned and began to walk away from the vicinity

"No I was being sarcastic sheesh"

"Sam this is important, What did he want?"

"Look… I just want to talk to Optimus"

Sam didn't realize the bullet he had just shot through Bumble Bee's heart. They were best friends. Sam even said so with Miles in the car (though Bumble Bee suspected Miles had no clue that Bee was a transformer). That was symbolic, what did Optimus have that Bee didn't? Importance? Leadership? Hmmm Leadership…

Blackout had been instructed to approach Katie and to comfort her and to ensure her mental stability. Blackout was more than willing to comply after all he did want to see the human again. It was an easy mission, that's all. Nothing beats easy missions right? He had improvised a little and bought the comfort flowers out of his own will as he assumed said task would be easier with them. He picked out yellow flowers because supposedly they were "friends" and she was to be kept available as further bait for Witwicky should the time arise.

Ding Dong. The doorbell rang and the door opened slowly. Katie ushered him inside her dorm and onto the way too small wooden chair that the school had provided for each dorm. She sat on the bed. " I brought you some flowers" said Blackout helpfully.

"Thank you Mark"

"… Are you feeling O.K."

"I don't know anymore. What secrets are you hiding from me Mark?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mark coolly

"A robot shot you in the back Mark! You got up after that and you took me away. Why Mark? Why did they want you?"

"Katie, there are things even I don't understand and" Blackout was taken by surprise as the girl forced her lips into his. His reactions told him to defend himself against this assault but much to his surprise his limbs didn't counter. There was no parry or dodge. He was defenseless.

Authors Note: Wow that was a long chapter… whew. Not as much comedy as I would have liked but I did label it under Humor/ Drama and I do have a plot to further.


	8. Chapter 8

Autobots 101 Chapter 8

Authors Note: Hello everyone. As I have yet to get a completely flaming review I have opened up my email for the public to see. If you are too lazy to check it is Good things to e-mail me about are things you want to see. I got the Kegger and Decepticon Panty raid Idea already hehe… you guys are perverts but whatever makes you happy. Things not to e-mail me about is for pictures of myself in real life. You are probably like "What?" but it has happened before so I am just stating in advance, you will be blocked. Remember WWJD and WWOPD?

"Report Blackout" came a voice from Megatron's "throne". It was Starscream yet again pretending to be the leader and it was beginning to annoy Blackout.

"I report only to Megatron as the details of my mission are confidential" said Blackout. What he wouldn't give to just take his blades of his back and…

Megatron burst through the door and Starscream jumped off the throne like a scared kitty. Megatron walked dramatically slowly to his throne where he took a glance at Starscream, who was now standing next to the throne, for a moment before sitting down. "Blackout report"

"Yes Lord Megatron" Blackout reported a mission success. He told him that the female was ready to be manipulated in any way possible and gave a detailed psychological report leaving out a few small unimportant details like a kiss. It wasn't important right, a small token of affection was nothing between friends…

"You should go for it Optimus" commented Jazz. Jazz was sitting relaxed back onto a wall. "You would make a much better president than Megatron"

Optimus was still having an internal war though. "If I win I'd be no better than Megatron. Humans should decide their own fate."

"Optimus" stated Ironhide "You are a far better leader than any human I've ever known and if you're still not on board, just think about what Megatron would do if he won"

Optimus' face was still contorted in worry. Bumble Bee wanted to speak up, right her and right now. Sam would finally know that he was just as reliable as Optimus. "I'll…"

"Ok I'll do it" said Optimus. Everyone cheered including Sam. Bee clapped his hands halfheartedly. "What were you saying Bumble Bee?"

"I'll be right back" sighed Bee as he left the room. Bee didn't hate Optimus, even though he got everything. He supposed a lot of bad things happened to Optimus over the years too though.

"Frenzy come and Report"

"101001001"

_I have taken an analysis of the student body and the extracurricular activities they belong to. It appears that the majority of them belong to a Sorority or a Fraternity. The most populated Fraternity is Alpha Omega Delta while the most popular sorority is Omega Omega Tau_

"Anything I should know about these before I assign Starscream and Barricade to infiltrate them?"

"1000101001100001010100100100100101100010010010100010010100111110010010010010100101001001001001010010010001001010101010010000010101010100010010101001010010101001"

_No_

"Very well then you know what to do" said Megatron waving his minions on with their tasks from his comfortable throne. Barricade sighed. "Oh shut up, at least you're not a girl" said Starscream.

"Ok guys you want to be popular? You need a band" said Sam.

"Surely there is another way" said Ironhide " I'd rather not blow my audio out"

"That's why we have earplugs" said Sam.

"Sam, my audio on the drone does not come through my ears"

"…"

"I think it's a great Idea" said Ratchet from the doorway entering the common room.

"Ratchet are you…"

"Never been better Optimus" said Ratchet smiling. Optimus could tell there was something wrong. Ratchet didn't ever get this… energetic. Still, it would be best not to confront that old issue now and 'open an old wound' as the humans say.

"Alright everyone get into your human bodies" said Sam  
"drones" corrected Ratchet still smiling.

"Uh sure"

They complied and in a few minutes they were all standing in front of Sam. "Alright Ironhide, you will play the drums" said Sam.

"And why is that?" asked Ironhide.

"because the biggest person is always the drummer"

Ironhide grunted but then moved to the side. "Alright Optimus has to do vocals and Lead guitar since he is running so that taken care of… Bee you can play Bass"

Bee and Optimus moved aside. Ratchet still looked like a semblance of Spike and an anime character would not fly well in the band. "Ratchet you'll have to cut your hair and can you not look so anorexic, then you can play keyboard"

"Very well I shall modify my appearance" said Ratchet walking over and picking up a scalpel.

"No no no no no" said Sam "We don't use scalpels to cut ourselves when we need to change, people will call you emo and that will hurt our chances"

"Very well I shall modify the drone externally"

Something was weird. Ratchet was acting too happy. Ratchet was almost never happy, I mean he wasn't depressed but he was just always too serious to be happy.

"What can I do Sam?" asked Jazz

"You're the car"

"…what?"

"Well we need an awesome car, and you do look the coolest"

"true…"

"And how will we get places without a vehicle"

"… O.K." Jazz sighed. He knew music was in him. No really, he had downloaded the entirety of napster.

"So you guys practice some"

"I have already mastered the guitar" said Optimus.

"When did you learn?" asked Sam

"I downloaded it"

"…sometimes I hate you"

"Sam! Surely I have not provoked your fury?"

"It's an expression" interjected Bee.

"Well such condescending 'expressions' hurt my feelings" said Optimus.

Everyone looked at Optimus stunned.

"What? The first step to knowing yourself is understanding how you feel. It's the first law of psychology"

The room was silent. "Hey Optimus, maybe you should try laying off the psychology classes" said Jazz.

"Why? I have found it both raises my self awareness and helps with my interactions with others"

"…"

"That's why"

"So, you guys want to join Alpha Omega Delta?" asked the Frat officer as he patrolled down the line of candidates. Little did he know that one of his candidates was an evil robot bent on infiltrating their ranks.

"Yes sir" said the company, Barricade included.

"Then you have two hours to sneak into a sorority and steal a pair of panties. The first ten will be admitted into the fraternity while the others are out of luck. At the end of two hours if you don't have the underwear you fail regardless whether ten of you have it or not, understood"

"Yes sir"

"Go get em boys"

Barricade called for frenzy, this was much more up his alley. Frenzy responded to the beacon summons and appeared in front of Barricade.

"I need you to climb the window and steal a pair of female lower undergarments". The robot complied and began doing all sorts of wild acrobats to get up to the window. "…showoff". As the window opened Barricade began to pick up noise on his receptors. It was coming from inside but was very faint. Frenzy returned to the window holding up a pair of panties as his victory trophy.

"101010000101011110101010"

"…fine. Oh Frenzy you are soooo great… Can I have them now?"

"101011110101010001010101"

"You know what, I don't care! Megatron said to do this, not me so you aren't defying me, you are defying Megatron"

"101"

"I'm just going to be the bigger robot and ignore that…shortstuff"

Blackout was outside Katie's house, simply observing her. He had to know what had happened with his reasoning and logic functions that night when she had kissed him. It was dark and the girl was watching televison. It was about a man named Dresden and apparently a police woman who was his "love interest". The show finally ended and Blackout was a little upset. Why hadn't the male and the female accepted their relationship and begun their courtship process. Suddenly Katie turned around. Blackout froze, hoping his black paint would blend him in with the night. It initially worked until the girl came outside. A look of anger was on her face. "What are you?"

She didn't recognize him in this form which was about the only pro to this situation. This sortie was self initiated and Megatron would be mad if he exposed the decepticons. "I am a robot"

"Well I figured that out, but why are you here and why do you want to hurt people!?!"

"My function is not to hurt people"

"Then what is it"

"My function is classified"

"I'm going to call the police!"

Blackout shot a small and thin beam at a line in the ground.

"Your telephone service is dead"

The girl pounded her fists down on the table "Why do you have to make my life miserable?!?"

"… That was never my intended goal"

The girl looked at him differently now, she was confused "You seem familiar"

Authors note: Meh I have had soooo much work lately, sorry for not updating. My internet went down for a while. It made me a little sad.


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